By Marsha M. Brown
At some point in your life you have probably heard at least a few people say, “I need to find myself!” Quite frankly, I used to think that was nothing short of a goofy statement…thinking why? Why would anyone feel that who they are is somehow ‘lost’? It seemed really odd to hear that because having grown up in a happy home with wonderful parents, I never felt out of place…out of sorts or somehow discombobulated. But once married at 17, I was so in love with my husband that he was my everything, then we had a son and then a daughter and they were our everything together.
The joy I had and time I spent with and for my family as a proud wife, mother and in later years Realtor never allowed me time or desire to even think about ‘finding’ myself. I was Billy’s wife and Bill and Bonnie’s mother and later still ‘Nanny’ to our four beautiful grandchildren…two boys and two girls.
In retrospect, the love of our family, the good Lord and the loving parents who brought me into this world made me so content…no, more than that…’over the moon’ as they say. Everything we do as devoted wives and mothers naturally means loving those closest to us and it never mattered what hardship…struggle or upset that came our way as long as we were together, that was the ultimate happiness.
I guess what I am saying is that my identity was in being the wife of a man I totally adored; the blessed Mama to two children I thank God for every day and the devotion to my profession kept me too busy to look further for who I was. After our children were grown and had children of their own, businesses to run, hectic schedules and my other and better half, Billy, went to Heaven, I found more than ample time to think about life…the sanctifications and gratifications that I have known, experienced and embraced and without my every morning and end of day kiss and the hug that I would simply fall into, the hours and hours are typically consumed now with long talks with the Lord in the mornings…coffee and the news…a conversation with our kids and friends, daily chores and routines like everybody else.
Along with that, I think about you all. I remember conversations we have had about your heartaches and your comforts and the incredible testimonies of your one true love or maybe your Daddy, that you miss too. I cherish you all, I care about what many of you went through; for those of you who are veterans, I am grateful for your service to our country and I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Thoughts of you and what you might like to read in my GIG LINE greatly matters to me – because YOU matter to me.
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One afternoon last week I decided to go out on our front deck and water the plants. So, I took up the water hose and sat down in the white rocker but before I started to spray the pretty foliage my BFF ‘Bibber’ transplanted for me, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. It was a noticeably young Praying Mantis walking very wobbly across the wooden porch railing. The little critter seemed uncertain on its feet and almost seemed to shuffle ‘to and fro’ with each step clinging to the wood. I studied that little green thing daring to squeeze the hose nozzle for fear it would wash the little thing away. I scooted my chair closer to the railing not taking my eyes off of him/her and suddenly it stopped and looked at me with those E.T. eyes as if to say, “Hold on and let me get to where I am going, will ya?” I always stare at these insects especially when in their ‘praying’ stance, but as he made his way a few rickety steps at the time, I waited for him to reach his destination; then my eyes fell upon the railing spokes and the beautiful Mandevilla, it’s pretty pink flowers and the tiny outstretched vining that had reached from the robust 4’ plant to wrap itself around the spokes…and I thought to myself…everything needs something to hold onto…little critters with shaky unsteady legs and a tiny fresh vine that knows it’ll have a better chance to make it, if it can be supported by something. My thoughts at that point were of my Billy and I leaned my head back, closed my peepers for a mind’s eye glimpse of his handsome sweet face…soon, I opened my eyes toward Heaven, I stared into the sky as hard as I could. I just kept looking straight up and it was as if my eyes were on an endless journey to that real home out of sight but there just the same…a happy place where Billy now lives with our Lord.
Somehow a special peace came over me and I knew I had found myself without even knowing I was looking…for me.
Still a Mom…a grandmother…a sister…a Realtor; still someone who loves our veterans and our watermen; still believe in all the good and wonderful things that having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ has taught me; still so thankful for God’s love and forgiveness, comfort and healing and I am thankful for Him making me just the way I am…realizing in that instant…I wouldn’t trade ‘me’ for anything.
A few days later I saw a quilt advertised on Facebook, I think it was called September Girl and having a birthday myself just around the corner…I took a minute to read the sayings that were on it…my favorite? THEY WHISPERED TO HER YOU CANNOT WITHSTAND THE STORM SHE WHISPERED BACK I AM THE STORM – that says it all! I am a lover of life and love and when I finish my book (currently underway), you will know the storm has arrived and hopefully God will let it touch your life when it passes through!
Love our veterans…love our police officers…love our firemen/women and our E.M.S. – say hello and be kind to those who have less, show compassion to those who have literally screwed up their life and if you do not know the Lord…give Him a chance too because I promise you, you will NEVER be the same once you invite Him into your heart!
Be happy, safe and proud…love our country because she deserves it and fly your American flag for all the world to see – it’s an embodiment of so much of what and who we are…or used to be…please cherish it and the men and women who have died defending it. Call or email me if you know a veteran who could use some help (252) 202-2058 or email@example.com Myself and the only Veteran Service Officer in Dare County, Patty O’Sullivan (252) 475-5604 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org are eager to help as well as countless Dare County V.F.W., American Legion and Marine Corps League veterans. Patty is the Official who can assist you in acquiring a duplicate DD-214, help you file a claim, get clarification on correspondence you receive from the V.A. and explain potential benefits or entitlements you may be due just for starters. Do not continue wondering about something, take the time to call Patty and let her help you decipher info that could help you and your family. In the meantime, God bless you and your family and thank you for reading GIG LINE! Stay tuned!